There are lots of daily activities and requirements for
living that we take for granted.
The one I once never gave a passing thought to but now clouds
much of my day is being able to breathe.
To say I have breathing issues is perhaps laughable but to put it
plainly I have adult onset asthma and it is a royal pain in the patoot.
As you all are more than well aware, this summer has been up
to this point horrible at best. Extreme
heat, humidity out the wazoo and repeated if not almost daily air quality
alerts have really put a damper on outside activities and my running. After the debacle that was the Viola Half I
have never quite got back to form. It
has been a long and difficult road to recovery and getting back in the swing of
my training schedule. Add to this mixture
that little secret of mine, depression.
It has been rearing its ugly head.
I know, deep down, that the big D and my inability to get out and run
and exercise like before have been working hand-in-hand together to get me to
this low place; the place that only poor eating choices and hiding away in a
dark, closed off house seem to salve and comfort. I
know that I have to keep my head above the water, but doing so is easier said
than done. I watch, as if from a cloudy distance, the number on the scale
continue to creep up and can’t seem to truly take notice. I struggle to get my mileage in and also get
a breath out in the unbearable air only to fall short of what
I need to be getting accomplished.
Why am I putting this all out there? P, who always has my back, has been watching
my downward spiral and suggested I start writing again. Not for anyone’s reading pleasure but to get
a little relief.
The summer continues to roll on and the heat, humidity and
overbearing ick of it all rolls along as well.
My lungs hurt. Breathing is
sometimes a struggle and any activity comes at a cost. I am so tired and worn down from not being
able to breathe well that it is all I can do to crawl out of bed in the
mornings. Couple that loveliness with D
and it would be so easy to pull the covers up and never come out; but for my
children and ultimately for myself I do, I carry on.
One more thing before I go, one of the meds that I take
daily to help me breathe is thankfully going generic. YAHOO!
Only problem is that the name brand manufacturer has decided in their infinite
wisdom that since it is going generic in August that they would stop making it
in July. Everyone, every pharmacy,
warehouse, storage, etc. is out of stock.
Out as in no medicine to be had, found, begged, borrowed or stolen. Therefore I have been out and off this
particular med for over a week and no refill date in sight. This wait period is not a good thing for
those of us already struggling to breathe.
I know I’ll weather it all, I always do, and come out
somewhere on the other side. But P was
right, I needed to say it out loud, or write it. I am struggling and my lungs hurt.
Until next time, I’ll keep moving. Sometimes forward, sometimes a few steps
backward or sideways, but always moving.
3 comments:
J, thanks so much for your bravery to speak this out loud. Depression is such a difficult thing for most women. I have found that keeping too much muck inside creates such a sedge pool...that is difficult to swim in alone. Talking about it and being vulnerable, open, and honest seems to create a life raft to pull one out of the sedge pool! I love you and am hearing with a listening ear, shoulder to cry on, and willingness to grab coffee any time! :O)
That would be *here with a listening ear*
just getting back to the blogs ... praying for you.
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