Letting happiness catch up

I was looking over my last few posts and gosh, I really sound down in the mouth, don’t I?  As if nothing in life is good. But life is good!  In the midst of dishing out tough love to one of my children, struggling to stay focused and cool tempered in this unbearable heat, I must pause and remember, life IS good.

Maybe I need to stop and let happiness catch up.

I think I’ll list a few things in no particular order that make me happy.  Maybe if I name a few things it will help diffuse some of the unhappiness.

COFFEE

It should be clear to all involved I love my coffee.  One of my simplest pleasures of each day is that first sip of coffee in the morning. 

CLEAN SHEETS

Although the washing and making the bed back up isn’t high on my love list I love the way fresh, clean sheets smell.  When I’m stressed, laying down and smelling the goodness of freshly washed linen is wonderful.

KITTIES

Perhaps I am a certifiable cat lady but I love cats.  I especially like when one of my two furry babies lies down next to me and begins to purr.  Cats aren’t shy of showing their contentment so why should we?

COFFEE WITH FRIENDS

Now you may think this is a continuation of my first entry and it may be but my running DIVAS and I have a favorite coffee shop.  After runs and sometimes just as a place to get together and share coffee, fellowship and delicious noms we adjourn to our “Official DIVA Coffee Shop”.  It is difficult to stay down in the mouth when you are surrounded by friends.  You know those people that choose you even though they know your bad crap.

LAUGHTER

Although there isn’t a lot of laughter going on at our house at the moment I do love to laugh.  This morning after having to be hard with my daughter I was left stressed and feeling a bit foggy because we all know no mother likes having to be the bad guy, the one that dishes out tough love and leaving with one of the loves of your life giving you the cold shoulder.  Even though I received no response I was sure to tell her I loved her when I left.  But now that some of the dust has temporarily settled I realize I need to have a dose of some of the best medicine, laughter.  It doesn’t always solve the problem or make them go away, but it makes everything a little more bearable. 

MORE

There are more things that I love but of course too many to list here.  I will do my best to remember at least one of them every day to remind myself that my life is full and good.

This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it ~ Psalm 118:24

To breathe or not to breathe, that is the question.

There are lots of daily activities and requirements for living that we take for granted. 

The one I once never gave a passing thought to but now clouds much of my day is being able to breathe.  To say I have breathing issues is perhaps laughable but to put it plainly I have adult onset asthma and it is a royal pain in the patoot.

As you all are more than well aware, this summer has been up to this point horrible at best.  Extreme heat, humidity out the wazoo and repeated if not almost daily air quality alerts have really put a damper on outside activities and my running.  After the debacle that was the Viola Half I have never quite got back to form.  It has been a long and difficult road to recovery and getting back in the swing of my training schedule.  Add to this mixture that little secret of mine, depression.  It has been rearing its ugly head.  I know, deep down, that the big D and my inability to get out and run and exercise like before have been working hand-in-hand together to get me to this low place; the place that only poor eating choices and hiding away in a dark, closed off house seem to salve and comfort.    I know that I have to keep my head above the water, but doing so is easier said than done. I watch, as if from a cloudy distance, the number on the scale continue to creep up and can’t seem to truly take notice.  I struggle to get my mileage in and also get a breath out in the unbearable air only to fall short of what I need to be getting accomplished.

Why am I putting this all out there?  P, who always has my back, has been watching my downward spiral and suggested I start writing again.  Not for anyone’s reading pleasure but to get a little relief.

The summer continues to roll on and the heat, humidity and overbearing ick of it all rolls along as well.  My lungs hurt.  Breathing is sometimes a struggle and any activity comes at a cost.  I am so tired and worn down from not being able to breathe well that it is all I can do to crawl out of bed in the mornings.  Couple that loveliness with D and it would be so easy to pull the covers up and never come out; but for my children and ultimately for myself I do, I carry on.

One more thing before I go, one of the meds that I take daily to help me breathe is thankfully going generic.  YAHOO!  Only problem is that the name brand manufacturer has decided in their infinite wisdom that since it is going generic in August that they would stop making it in July.  Everyone, every pharmacy, warehouse, storage, etc. is out of stock.  Out as in no medicine to be had, found, begged, borrowed or stolen.  Therefore I have been out and off this particular med for over a week and no refill date in sight.  This wait period is not a good thing for those of us already struggling to breathe. 

I know I’ll weather it all, I always do, and come out somewhere on the other side.  But P was right, I needed to say it out loud, or write it.  I am struggling and my lungs hurt. 

Until next time, I’ll keep moving.  Sometimes forward, sometimes a few steps backward or sideways, but always moving.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. ~ Proverbs 3:5-6