Am I thankful?

As I shared in my previous blog post I am letting one special friend be the “star” of my status update on facebook each day and letting them and the FB-universe know why I am thankful for their presence in my life.  After I posted my latest entry I started thinking.  It is easy to be thankful for the good people in our lives.  Am I able to be thankful for someone that has caused tremendous hurt and continues to knowingly do so?

I’m going to preface the following with a statement, as harsh as it is; many of you have heard me utter.  If I never heard his name again, laid eyes on his person or heard his voice again I would not care.  In fact, as I have also said before, I long for the day he is out of my life.  I’m sure you’ve guessed by now I am speaking of my ex-husband and the father of my children.

So after some soul searching I am going to say this and pray that I can truly mean (if not today then one day soon) what I am about to type.  I am thankful for him.

Eh?

Yes, I know, you are thinking that I am drunk, on drugs or off my medication.  But, if I really get down to the nitty-gritty I have to be thankful for him because without him I would not have the two greatest parts of my life.  My life, my love, my reason for everything that I do:  my children.

Now I’m not going to white wash any of this because he is a mean and spiteful person, by choice.  I learned that lesson the hard way and I get to revisit that special little place often.  However I can take it. Anything he wants to dish; I can take and come out better for it because I don’t rise to the bait anymore, much anyway.  He is a self-righteous bully and takes his unhappiness that is his chosen place dwell, out on everyone that happens to get within range. 

Yet…

I am thankful.  I am thankful because I have my children.  They are the brightest spots in my little world.  I never knew it was possible to love someone so much, so deeply, so completely until they arrived.   

I am thankful.  I am thankful for what I have learned about myself. I am able to endure and still come out victorious.

I am thankful.  I am thankful that I will now see any new man in my life with wiser eyes and a heart that listens to more than pretty words.

I am thankful.  I have learned to let him do as he will because I can’t change him. What I must do is conduct myself as I know I should and be the better person.

I am thankful.

OK, so maybe I’m not feeling the thankful part every day and in all of our dealings with one another especially when he hurts my children.  Some days are better than others. I need to remember that in the midst of adversity and the trials of life there are many things (and people) we should remember are lessons in thankfulness.  And maybe if I say it enough I’ll remember it when I want to snatch him bald headed. J

I am thankful.

You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? ... Matthew 5:43-48