Another one bites the dust.

Wow!  It is hot or what?  This crazy heat, humidity and heat index is about to drive this girl crazy.  Well, crazier than I already am.  Yesterday I got up early to get my run in before it was totally sweltering outside.  What a great morning, too!  It was almost cool with a breeze, perfect for running.  Only I wasn’t mentally there.  I took off and about a third of the way through my scheduled mileage I just knew I couldn’t go any further.  It just wasn’t in me, mentally.  I know I could have “gutted it out” physically but when you aren’t there in your mind you might as well call it a day.  I was disappointed in myself but decided I was just going to chalk it up to a bad run day and give it another go the next day.

Bright eyed and bushy tailed.

This morning when my alarm went off at 4:30am I felt ready, ready to get out there and tear up the asphalt.  You see, I was mentally ready!  I dressed, stretched and got all my running toys/gear together.  Oh no!  My mp3 is dead. Big sad face!  I love running with my tunes in the morning.  It gets me pumped and helps me focus.  After a few seconds of woe is me, I realized I had plenty of tunes on my phone.  Whew….crisis averted. I’m off again.  Then just as my Garmin locates the satellite and I’m ready to start the LOW BATTERY signal pops up.  OH COME ON!  Really?!?!?  Again, I am saved by my phone and that great little app Endomondo.  Will I ever get all my ducks in a row and get this thing done?  I’m feeling great, ready to run and all my equipment is biting the dust.  Finally I am off and what a great run.  I felt fleet of feet, focused in mind and spirit and like I could easily conquer any obstacle before me.  That is a great run!  When I finished my scheduled mileage I felt like a million, albeit sweaty, dollars.  *fist punch in the air* 

What running means to me.

Running means many different things to different people.  As I’ve stated many times before running gives me a huge sense of empowerment.  When I have a good/great run I am mentally strong, feel great and able to go on and tackle any task with self confidence.  Running has also given me a physical strength that I’ve never known before.  I’ve always been stronger than you would imagine by looking at me but now I also have the strength of endurance.    

Onward and upward!

This morning while all my equipment seemed to be biting the dust I realized something else was biting the dust, too, the old me.  Yesterday I had a really “hot” guy tell me that I looked great and he was really proud of me and all I had accomplished.  For once, I took a compliment and thanked him.  Usually I pooh-pooh any and all compliments away but I decided I was going to embrace that one.  I’ve worked hard to improve my mental and physical self.  I actually like myself these days.  Sure, I need to work on and improve more but that is OK.  I still have some weight to shed, I need to see myself as I am now, not how I was 70+ pounds ago and I need to have more confidence in myself.  But all those things will come in time.  I continue to run and it continues to empower me.     

On my RoadID I have a quote from Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar that says:  Bid me run and I will strive with things impossible.  One of my friends teases me and says only I would/could understand that quote.  But I think if you read it again it will be plain as day.  When I run I realize anything is possible. 

Bite the dust, old me, anything is possible!

Headaches and Heartaches

*Be warned this is not my typical blog post*

A precious friend of mine has recently published a memoir and heartbreakingly reveals a hard and troubled young life.  A young life of experiences I can’t begin to fathom but one that in my opinion has left her forged of stronger stuff than most.  Some people might be “put off” by all that she so courageously exposes about herself but I am not; I find that it only makes my love and friendship for her grow.  Isn’t that what lessons at the School of Hard Knocks are supposed to do?  Cause us to grow?

Have I learned any lessons along the way?

Heartaches

When I married my children’s father in 1992 I thought I knew it all.  I was 23, a college graduate, working a full time job, living on my own and well, just cocky.  I was also lonely.  You see, I never dated much.  I was always the girl guys were friends with, never the one they wanted to date.  Good old Jacquelyn.  Most of the time I was OK with that since I had lots of friends but deep down I was lonely. We all want to be loved after all.  When I started college at MTSU I met my previous entanglement our second semester.  I wasn’t smitten or interested but he perused me.  On and off we went over the course of our college years.  Except for the few months I dated the love of my young life, Jeremy.  He was almost exotic to me.  Remember I was born and raised in Murfreesboro and at the time it was still a small town with only two high schools and most of us knew one another.  Enter Jeremy with all his big city ways, he was from Chicago!  We were similar in our political leanings, movie and literature likes, had a few mutual friends, he made me laugh, but the best part was he loved me and thought I was beautiful.  And I loved him.  I loved him as deeply and as hard as I could but I was barely 20 and it scared me.  He wanted me to move in with him but it just wasn’t done in those days, especially in Murfreesboro, the very buckle of the Bible Belt.  The strain of why I said no and the shear depth of my feelings for him were just more than I could handle and we broke up along with my heart.  We went our separate ways and I drifted.  Eventually I fell back in with my previous entanglement and we married after he graduated.  I was never truly happy, never really loved him as I should have and I definetly didn’t listen to my mother when she tried to tell me I was making a mistake.  I was lonely and I didn’t want to be that way any more.  I regretted it almost as soon as the sound of the wedding vows died in the air. 

Fast forward a few years.  I was as good a wife to my previous as I knew how to be but I’m sure that it wasn’t the best.  I had made my choice and by gosh, I was going to do the best I could.  Then one day my mother sent a clipping from my hometown paper to me and I was crushed beyond words when I realized what it was, Jeremy’s obituary.  I don’t really remember what I did or felt other than I sat in the parking lot of a grocery store close to my work and cried until I couldn’t cry anymore. Even though I was married it hurt like nothing else before because I realized I still loved Jeremy deep down in that private place in my heart and he was gone.  Time to buck up and make the best of this life I had chosen.  It wasn’t long after that I realized I was pregnant with my daughter and things went from bad to worse with my marriage.  Some of you know plenty of “dirt” about my marriage, divorce and the aftermath so I’m not going to go into it here.  It is an ugly story and I think we both must share blame, fault, reasons, sickness, etc.  What I do want to say is that again, my heart broke.  Why couldn’t I make this thing work?  What was wrong with me?  I was giving it my all, damn it!  I felt bitter in ways you can’t imagine.  Time went on some more and things progressively declined and then I found out I was pregnant with my son.  This was when I knew beyond any doubt I couldn’t do it anymore.  What little love I had managed to feel and hold on to for my then husband was killed by his abusiveness and the terrible life we were living.  A really bad thing happened on New Year’s Eve between us and I lay awake until I thought it was safe to call my mother on New Year’s Day 2000 to ask her if I could come home.

Fast forward some more. A bitter and lengthy divorce and two wonderful children later I find that there is a part of me that is now ready to admit I may be feeling some of that loneliness again. Let me be clear though, I am not unhappy, just sometimes lonely.  It has been eleven years, few and far between dates and one semi-serious relationship later but I am afraid.  Remember, I have never been what you would call lucky in love.

Headaches

Now when I think I might just possibly be ready to stick my toe back into the vast and scary unknown called dating it gives me a headache!  There is so much more to consider now than back in the early 90’s when I first tried to ride the rollercoaster.  My children are one of my biggest concerns.  I’ve always kept my dating life, as pitiful as it is, on the down low.  Even when Michael (we were introduced by a mutual friend) and I were fairly serious they never realized he was anything more than just a friend.  Of course they are older and wiser now.  It also is just so much dang work!  I’ve been alone a long time and I am very settled in my ways.  I like my time, my privacy and not having to explain myself or actions to anyone.  Would I even be able to handle the commitment?  It all makes my head hurt. Do I have the ability to love anyone other than my children in me?  Let’s face the facts; I’ve never been a very touchy-feely, lovey-dovey type person anyway.  Or has all the heartache thus far left me stronger and surer of myself and what I want? 

Strange and unchartered territory. 

I’ve noticed that since I have lost weight and gotten into better shape I have caught the occasional approving glances from the male persuasion.  It is a definite boost to my ego but scary all at the same time.  I try to stay grounded and not be swayed but it feels nice.  What should I do?  Am I really ready to open myself back up to the possibility of getting my heart hurt?  Or will it just be a headache and trouble?  I’m new to it all and not afraid to admit, I am a little – no, a lot scared. 

Sorry to air all of this dirty laundry out here but I felt I needed to say it “out loud.”  I may pull back yet and not venture out further into the world at large.  Stay in my private, secure area and not feel the dating waters out.  Then again, maybe I need to take a step out of my comfort zone.  I did that when I started my weight loss journey and my first running program and look where I am now. 

Am I ready to go out into the unknown? It is possible I’ll find the love of my adult life and then again, maybe not.  Only God knows what is out there for me.  Am I ready to take the first step?

Swift and sure?

I’ve been on the receiving end of harsh comments the majority of my life.  Chalk it up to a lifetime of being short, pudgy, etc.  You would think that after over 42 years of criticisms, meant or not, I would be hardened, have a tougher skin, but that isn’t necessarily the way it is.

Running strong.

Today was our ½ marathon training group’s long run.  It was a brutally hot and humid morning like so many others so far this summer.  I had hydrated, eaten clean and rested as well as I could on my day of rest Friday and was ready to get it done.  Coach informed us that today we were running the Medical Center Pkwy Bridge.  YIKES!  6 miles including the bridge right at the beginning, time to gird my loins and suck it up…it was go time.

Off we went!  I got the better of that bridge this morning and was feeling pretty pumped and good about myself even if I was struggling with the heat and humidity.  P and I realized early we were going to have to take our pace down a notch or two or we would never make the entire run.  So that is just what we did, we slowed it down.  Remember my previous coach Daphne always said “slow and steady!”  Keeping an even pace we were over 2/3 of the way and a couple of runners came up behind us.  This is where I let my feelings creep out on my sleeve.

Careful what you say, you never know who is listening!

The two runners commented we, the group collective, must be the half marathon training group, look how spread out we were, wonder how many miles we were doing today?  Runner #1 said he thought we were doing 6 miles.   Here it comes, are you ready?  Rude runner said “Oh, is THAT all?”  I was immediately flush with anger.  The very nerve!  I was ticked!  Frankly, it was all I could do not to call her out, but I decided I’d be the better person.  I didn’t want to be though.  You should NEVER make flip, haughty comments like that.  How discouraging to those of us out there giving it our ALL!  Just because we may not be up to what she considered quality running material, didn’t make our achievement and work any less valid. 

That comment really took the wind out of my sails.  I know I shouldn’t have let it but it did.  The remaining run was a huge struggle.  I about let the comment, heat and fatigue get the better of me.  Thank goodness I have a fabulous coach.  He never lets us come in on the last part of our runs alone.  He and the mentors are always there to bring it home with us.  Struggling, I look up and there is Coach.  He was going to run the remainder with me.  I felt that little click, that part of me that wanted to pump it up and kick that last leg of my run.  To not show any defeat to Coach or to me for that matter.

After the run, stretching and a bit of a cool down, I told Coach what had happened.  He basically told me that Rude Runner didn’t matter.  He gave me and P praise on how well we were doing with our training and that he was pleased we were hanging in there and feeling good about our group.  I felt better.  Whew! Thanks, Coach!

P and I adjourned to our favorite coffee shop for a post run snack.  I made a healthy choice.  I shudder to think what I would have consumed if I hadn’t had that little validation moment with Coach. 

YUMMO!

The smoothie was all fruit, no milk, added sugars, etc. and the bar was also all natural and oh, so yummy!  This scrumptious snack may become my regular post run refreshment. 

The moral of my ranting today is a little tidbit we have all heard preached to us numerous times.  If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.  You never know who is listening and whose spirit you may crush in the process. 

Until next time, run strong.

You are worth it!

You are worth more.

Yesterday one of my young friends sent me an email asking for advice.  His girlfriend had dumped him, blocked him from facebook and wouldn’t return his call.  He seemed stumped.  Why do girls play games?  Why indeed.  I told him that sort of game playing and lack of ability to commit comes in all age groups.  Wondering about my advice to my friend?  My words to him were these; you are worth more. 

I’ll admit my ego was flattered by my young friend reaching out to me for advice.  I probably wouldn’t have been my first choice since you must remember I’ve been divorced eleven years and rarely dated during that time.  Oh I’ve had dates and even one somewhat serious male friend but it didn’t stand the test.  After I gave him my “words of wisdom” and a good teasing that is was just too doggone bad I was old enough to be his mother (ha-ha) I stopped to think about my own words. 

You are worth more.

I am worth more.  I am worth more than my constant and never ending battle with my weight.  The last few days have been a struggle.  I’ve let family drama break down my reserve, tempt my eating mechanism and elevate my stress levels.  But I am worth more!  I will hang tough, so to speak.  I realize this struggle will always be one I have to revisit but I’m worth it and I will win this battle. 

I am worth more.  I am worth the effort and time I have devoted to my new passion called running.  Even if I do not receive support from some of those closest to me I do have a fantastic cheering section in the friends and running partners I have made during this journey.  Running is important to my physical and emotional well being and I am worth it.

I am worth more.  I am worth waiting for the right one.  Unlike my friend that feels he needs someone in his life to validate himself I realized something a long time ago, I am worth the wait.  I am worth waiting for that right person.  The one that will love and value me, love my children and want to be a part of our lives.  I’ll admit sometimes I long for male companionship but I am worth more than taking the first thing that comes along.

I am worth more.  To be successful in any venture you must have the proper tools.  I am worth the money I spend on the proper running gear.  Yes, it can be a bit expensive but I am worth more than skimping on cheap gear that will result in injury.  Sure, I freely admit I love to buy running clothes but I’m talking about the shoes, socks, you know, the GEAR.  I rarely ever spend money on myself (remember the clown pants?!??!) but I am worth it.

I am worth more.

This all brings me, in a round about way, to my review of Swiftwick socks.   

Ooo La La!  Love these socks.

I was hesitant since they appear so thin and I love the plush comfort of the Balegas.  Surprise!  They are silky comfort with a slight bit of compression at the arch.  They feel great and don’t slip or feel noticeably thin.  I am in love.  They are a bit more expensive than my first sock love but I am worth it!  I also love the fact they are a Tennessee company.  I have gone back and bought a few extra pairs. 

So what have we learned today?  I for one am going to take my own advice and pray I am able to remember it in difficult times.  I am worth more!

In for a penny, in for a pound!

Have you ever been knee deep in something and then have the proverbial monkey wrench tossed in?  That is my current status.  Totally immersed in my 13.1 training and then >BAM< I developed a gimpy foot.  I didn’t injure myself running but stepping out of the shower.  I almost did a slip sliding away but caught myself.  Enter gimpy foot.  Hmmmpf!

I got my run in early, early on Monday.  I went before Mr. Sun was up full blast because the heat index has been in the extremely dangerous category lately.  So I’m guessing I didn’t really notice my sore foot since I was technically still half asleep. I noticed it later on when I realized it hurt to walk. YIKES.  Since then I have rested, iced and popped a few ibuprofen so that my foot can heal.  I have to be ship shape and ready come Saturday if not before.  I can’t miss my group run! Crazy and dedicated, that’s me.

I do however realize that I need to take care of myself.  If I don’t do it, who will?  P has advised me not to feel any stress over missing a few runs and workouts this week.  She reminded me that we have kept our runs and cross training up.  As long as I take care of my foot and healing, I’ll be OK.

I also find that sometimes I am totally immersed in other aspects of my life, too.  Like caring for my children and everything and everyone else and not always seeing to myself.  Thankfully, I am working on taking care of Jacquelyn more since I started my running.  I never used to have any time or anything for myself.  It was always about everything else.  That is definitely not a healthy outlook.  No wonder I totally lost myself for so long and became so overweight and out of shape.  Now that I make a point of caring for myself, I have more energy and desire for everything else.  I like ME and truth be told I’m betting the people around me like me better as well. 

I am learning to love and take care of myself and the rest will fall into place.

 

Going whole hog for me!  That’s right, I’m going the distance.

Be happy!

I saw an inspirational plaque the other day that said “It’s not where you go or what you do… … it’s who is beside you that counts.”

I’m sure considering the picture on the plaque the message was one of either spiritual or familial intent.  For me however it reminded me of my running life. 

In the running programs that I am involved with we have coaches and mentors.  The coaches are all wonderful and I value their experience, input, coaching and friendship but it is the mentors of the groups that will either make it or break it.  They are the ones that run beside you.  If you have a selfish mentor, one that forgets what is it like to begin these programs, work through the tough spots and/or injuries or doesn’t cheer you on, you have the makings of disaster.  If you have a mentor that becomes your biggest cheerleader, runs along side of you and reminds you that we all struggle at times but helps you work through it, well, that is the absolute best! 

During my first running program for the 5K I was lucky to pair up with a fabulous mentor that is now a good friend.  The second program was a bit hit or miss.  P and I were never quite sure who were the mentors and thus never really bonded with anyone.  We were lucky to make friends with another runner and he has turned out to be a wonderful friend to us both.  (TG, I’m talking about you! You rock!)  This time around I am pleased to report that we have what I’m going to go ahead and say is a great mentor.  Cheryl has taken on those of us that are interval runners and she has been very supportive thus far.  I’ve also started working on positive relationships with a few other interval runners and that will add strength to the experience.   So far the 13.1 training has really been a good thing for me. 

It also goes without saying that in our daily lives we need mentors as well.  Sometimes our mentors/friends mean well but fall short. Then there are your mentors/friends that are made of stronger stuff.  It is those special people that come to you when you need it most and are too afraid, ashamed or confused to know you need to ask for help. 

The past week has been a rocky time for me and I forgot for a moment I had friends to lean on.  I weathered a week of storms thanks to my life mentors.  My special friends that come through with support, praise, prayer and the love of friendship carried me through to another day.

I want to thank you all for being mentors in my life when I needed them most.  I love each and every one of you.

Take time to be a positive in someone’s life.  Be a good mentor.  You may only need to smile or have a kind word.  Friday at the rock bottom of my unhappiness a sweet young man showed me a kindness and it is one I’ll never forget. 

This is one of my favorite shirts. 

The road ahead is still paved with uncertainty but I’ll weather it and come out on the other end stronger than when I started, exactly like my 13.1 training!  I’m going in hesitant but I’m going to ROCK that half come October.

Just as I’ll never forget my great running mentors, you never forget those that help you along this adventure called life.

And now a little song that will stick in your brain for days.  You will either thank me or hate me! hahaa  I happen to love it.  Enjoy!

Chain of fools.

Aretha Franklin sings a fantastic song called Chain of Fools.  It has always been a favorite and although Aretha is talking about the chains a man has on her we all have some sort of chains that ensnare us.  Whether or not we are reduced to fools and remain bound is our choice.

Breaking free.

The past few days my personal life has been an absolute disaster and I have felt the weight of every chain, burden and disappointment that seemed to come at me one after another.  I really don’t want to air it all out at the moment.  Some of the pain and disappointment is still too raw, too fresh and just too personal.  At some point I’ll be ready to speak of it out loud but now isn’t that time.  So you could say that I feel the mighty weight of that chain of fools.   

One thing that I do know is that while I feel mired deep in poo I am never far from the love and concern of those in my life that truly care about me.  As I lay in bed, alone in my quiet house and cry myself to sleep I hear that sweet voice that reminds me I am never alone. “Jacquelyn, you are My precious daughter and I love you.  I’ll never abandon you.”  The reality of the situation is still there but somehow, someway it will all be OK.  And like the song by The Afters’ He lights up the sky for me.  Maybe He didn’t do it with fireworks but with something more lasting.

This morning I got up and went to meet my half marathon training group and for those few precious hours I forgot all the chains that are heavy on my heart and mind.  When I’m out there running it is just me, the asphalt and the goal.  Sometimes that goal and asphalt are hard and brutal companions but they are constant unlike so many other aspects of life. This is where He lights up the sky! I have also been greatly blessed with another running friend.  We met on our first get-to-know-you run last week and immediately hit it off.  She, P and I are all on the same page with what we want to achieve in this program.    She also sees something in me that I would have never dreamed.  Are you ready for a chuckle?  She calls me her personal pace girl/Energizer Bunny. HA HA! 

Apparently I am pushing her to improve her pace and improve her run.  That makes me happy.  Who would have ever thought that slow me would be a pace setter for someone else?  That little compliment, so innocent yet honestly given, was that light in the sky.  I felt useful and validated at one of my lowest points.  Let’s be honest, we all need, crave, desire validation. 

I think P and I are very lucky to have found a new running buddy.  You can never have too many people in your life that love and care for you. 

Keep going and going and going.

After our morning run in the heat and humidity.  

After a successful run the three of us walked down to a great little coffee shop for refreshment and girl time.  We laughed, chatted, shared our goals and had a great morning.  I didn’t feel so empty when I left.  I was filled with all the good things that come from time with friends.

What about all those chains that I spoke of earlier?  Well, they are still there but maybe not wound quite as tightly.  I will not let them pull me down for long because I am a strong woman and I have a great cheering section behind me. 

You've Come A Long Way, Baby!

When I was a kid in the 70’s a cigarette company that marketed itself to women used the slogan “You’ve come a long way, baby!” to appeal to a sense of empowerment.  Are we supposed to feel empowered as women because we have cancer sticks designed and marketed just for us?  No.  Empowerment comes from a strong sense of self worth and accomplishment.  At least for me it does.

Yesterday I went for a weigh-in and am happy report I am now down a total of 73 pounds.  *applause*

The pounds aren’t really what I want to talk about today but rather the achievement thus far.  Yesterday was also the day for me to be measured.  MRC measures several areas of your body and you get a combined inches lost report.  My combined inches lost to date are 95.75. 

WOW!

I’ll admit that the slow loss of pounds lately can be discouraging.  I’m running and doing yoga like crazy.  I do my very best to make all the right food choices.  I drink so much water I practically float.  Still the pounds are dropping at a snail’s pace.  The inches however are another matter all together.  They are testifying to a new and healthy lifestyle.  So as I look at those figures I remind myself that I am doing all the right things and the end results will show it.  I also have to remind myself that MUSCLE weighs more than FAT.  I’m stronger and have more muscle now.  Who would have every thought?  Ha-ha.

Making good food and lifestyle choices and achieving my running goals are important keys to my sense of empowerment.  Did you notice the keys are all things we do for ourselves?  No gimmicky products, fads or slogans required.

I also have another memory of my 70’s childhood.  My aunt loved Helen Reddy and had all her records.  One that I always listened to is now my anthem of sorts.  “I am woman. Hear me roar!”

What things empower you?

Chomping at the bit

So far my ½ training is going well.  I’ve been feeling very strong, had some great runs and still feeling good about the decision to join the training program.  The first week has been a success!  Yeah, me!  I will say that I have to learn to pace myself though and here is why.

Don’t over train. 

Those words have been stressed by Coach C and I am having a hard time putting on the brakes.  Monday while I was out doing my scheduled run the half way mark came right as I was about to start up the path to @zzkicker hill.  Those of you that run the Greenway may know this steep gravel hill that leads up to the cannons and monument at the place of McFadden Farm.  I lovingly call it @zzkicker hill because it can be that, a real you-know-what.  So, there I was at the start of the path to the “hill” and I realize I am where I need to turn around and start back.  NO!!!!!!!  It is a bit of a thing with me lately that I am able to run the entire length of the hill before stopping.  Yes, it is grueling but once I get to the top it is as if I can hear the “Rocky” theme playing.  *Fist punch in the air*

Don’t over train.

Disappointment of sorts set in as I turned around and started back.  I WANTED to run that hill only that wasn’t part of my scheduled mileage.  Maybe I need to change my starting point for my runs?  Or should I just wait until it is in my mileage and when I run it, totally kick it?  Can you believe I miss that hill?!?!?  I certainly can’t but there it is. 

I wanted to run that hill and keep on running.  I guess this is where I say something I thought I never would.  Ready?

I love to run!

Now that I have admitted my love for this thing I do it is hard to put on the brakes, hard to pace myself and it is going to be hard to not over train.

Of course today as I tackle my first speed training exercise – I’m a bit scared! – I probably will not be feeling the love.  At least not until after and I realize I can do that too.

Don’t over train.

You know what?  That could be the motto for so many things in life.

Naughty Nibbles!

This blog isn’t just about all the “highs” I experience, it is also to discuss the “lows” and how I handle them.

Last night I had a super low.  That low’s name was Little Debbie.  Perhaps you know her?

Yesterday afternoon, after my superlative morning and run, I hit a speed bump.  My children left to go to their father’s for a little over a week.  These long visits are always especially hard on the children.  There have been lots of frayed nerves, tears and high emotions.  I had to physically pull my son out from underneath his bed so we could go meet his father at the appropriate time.  Can we say stress with a capital STRESS?  My nerves and emotions were on high alert.

I made a good food choice for lunch and even supper but it was afterward that the Little Debbie hit the fan.  Normally, her presence in the house doesn’t faze me.  She is tucked away in the TARDIS cookie jar, the one that make the cool TARDIS sound when you open and close it.  However, Debbie was really calling to my emotional overload and I succumbed.  I knew I wasn’t doing myself any favors as I chomped down on those oatmeal pies but at the same time couldn’t stop myself.  Remember, I medicate myself with food.  At least I always used to, I’m trying to learn to do other things now.  After a few minutes of gorging I was able to pull myself back from the brink of the abyss and regroup.  I felt sick to my stomach and really disgusted with myself. 

So, as Scarlett O’Hara so famously said, “Tomorrow is another day!” Today is that new day.  I’m going to begin fresh as I have so many times before.  I am going to attempt not to beat myself up over last night’s slip because that is all it was, a slip.  I was able to stop.  I didn’t keep travelling down that road.

Shaking the crumbs off and going forward. I’m not going to sit here all sunshine and lollipops and act like it is all perfect, because it isn’t.  My emotional overload is still there, but I acknowledge it is there.  I will not let it take me by surprise.  One day at a time, one bite at a time.

One thing I forgot to mention yesterday is that P gave me a new pair of running socks to try out.  I am a devoted fan of Balega's Hidden Comforts but I’m going to give these Swiftwicks an honest try. 

I just learned this past week that Swiftwick is a Tennessee company!  Their home office is in Brentwood (just up the road from here) and the hosiery is in Cleveland.  I am sure I either have family or friends that work at the hosiery mill.  I would love to give my money to a Tennessee company and goodness knows I spend a boat load on my running gear, including the socks!  I also learned that Swiftwick donated a lot of socks, etc. to the Japanese earthquake and tsunami relief efforts.

I’ll report in on my test run of the socks soon!

Have a wonderful July 4^th, dear friends and followers.  Stay safe!

The signs are all aligned!

There is a song by Five Man Electrical Band called “Signs” that says

“Sign, sign, everywhere a sign
Blockin' out the scenery, breakin' my mind
Do this, don't do that, can't you read the sign?”

Today has been all about signs!

This morning was the first run of my 13.1 training program.  I was afraid the day was going to start out rocky because lately the air quality had been rough.  Rough that is for those of us that suffer from breathing issues.  I’ve had to up my breathing meds and with another day of “Air Quality Alert” status on tap I was nervous.  To nip it in the bud as Barney always used to say, I took a breathing treatment so I could at least start off the day with a full deep breath.  A little wired after but good! 

This is where the first sign comes into view.  A hot air balloon!

I immediately thought of the mantra that is coursing through my mind and blog.  You know the one, UPWARD and ONWARD!  Now I’ve been up in a hot air balloon briefly once before and since I am terrified of heights I’ll probably never go again.  However, the sign of the balloon was not lost on me.  I might be too afraid to climb up in one of them but I am still more than capable of going UPWARD and ONWARD.  Only I can hold me down.

Upon arrival at the store to meet up with my new running group what do I see when I look down as I am stepping out of my car?

A LUCKY PENNY! 

I’m not really superstitious or anything but again, another sign.  I tucked that shiny penny in my running pouch for good luck.  I think I’m going to let Abe hang out in there until after the Middle Half because he was sprinkling the good luck this morning.

I had perhaps one of the best, strongest runs in my brief running adventure.  Not bad considering it was the first of the training and you know I’ve been nervous.  Nervous about not being able to keep up, disappointing my coach, embarrassing myself or worst of all, realizing I might not have it in me.  I know I’m going to have a few rough patches along the way but today proved to me that I CAN do it!

More signs along the way, literally.  There were neat little bright yellowy-green signs placed along our route so everyone knew which way to go.  I like that!  When you are usually bringing up the rear it feels good to have a guide (sign!) along the way so you don’t lose your way. 

I also met a new running friend today.  C has completed a half before and has come back for more.  What is even better, like me and P, she is going to train with intervals.  We were like the Three Amigos, Three Musketeers or possibly the Three Stooges this morning but we hung in there and ran STRONG!

When we arrived back at the store our coach came up and asked us if our feet were sore?  What?  Then he said, are your feet sore from kicking butt today?  WOW!  High praise when you went in nervous. 

We’ve got this! 

There will be times when I will want to cuss, cry or both but I’ve got this!  My runner high has kicked in and I’m feeling the glow.

There is another part of the song that I mentioned earlier that goes like this:

“So I got me a pen and a paper and I made up my own little sign

I said, "Thank you, Lord, for thinkin' 'bout me. I'm alive and doin' fine."

That’s what I’m doing.  I’m making my OWN sign.  When I’m done it is going to be a little pink oval on my car that says 13.1!