Mirror, Mirror

I think it pretty much goes without saying that I have not had a loving relationship with my mirror in years. I avoided looking at it more than absolutely necessary and the full length mirror was strictly off limits. I was also absent as much as possible when it was time to take pictures. I’m sure you can guess why. I was fat. Yes, I said it, fat. There are just no two ways around it. I hated the person that looked out at me from the mirror. That wasn’t really me, was it? I had totally lost the person that I once was. People have lots of reasons why they pack on the pounds. I have my own. Want to hear some of them? A disastrous marriage (I should have listened to my mother!), a stressful job, a bitter divorce and the stress of trying to make ends meet and raising my children all on my own. I know what you are thinking; lots of people have those same issues and don’t turn into Shamu. But those are my reasons, right or wrong.

I’m finding lately that since I’ve lost some weight I have gained a better view of myself, most of the time anyway. I can actually look at myself in the mirror and not be totally repulsed. I’ve even preened for the full length mirror a time or two. But a better self-image is a hard thing to come by sometimes. During my weight loss journey and quest to become fit I have come to appreciate the struggles many people with anorexia have expressed. That distorted view of self, where no matter what you actually look like you still see fat. I know that I’ve done well so far. Shoot, I’m almost down 50 pounds! My clothes are 3-4 sizes smaller than when I started and I get great compliments. But sometimes, when I look in the mirror I still see the old me. You know the one, the fat one.

How do you overcome this problem? I’m not sure but I’m working toward a healthier view. I have to remember I am a work in progress. I’m taking baby steps.

Now if I can just remember all of this when I’m training for my 5K and not get discouraged! I feel like a cow lolloping down the road when we run. I just keep telling myself that it will get easier and I’ll become more graceful in my stride. It is all worth it! I am a work in progress!

Today I go for my weigh in and am hopeful that I’ve made progress this week. There it is again, that word, progress. Before you know it, the mirror and I just might become friends!