Hop, Skip and Limp

Yes, I know, I know!  It has been some time since my last entry.  I’m sure you were wondering where in the world I was.  Much like the elusive Waldo I was about, you just had to look.

The past month or so has been a roller coaster.  Emotionally, physically, financially…I’ve been through the ringer and back again.  There were a few times the clouds were so dark I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to see the light or even if I wanted to.

The worst part is that my job is on the line thanks to unforeseen changes and I’m really worked up over it all.  I’m trying to remain faithful and trust that it will all work out.  I’ve been here since the beginning and I’ll stay to the bitter end but the uncertainty of when that end is coming, sooner or later, is extremely stressful.  A few health scares with my mother tossed in and you can imagine my dieting fell by the wayside. 

But enough on that!  I DID keep up my training for the 5K!  Yeah me!  In spite of having a knee that just wants to give me fits I managed to keep to schedule.  I just put on my Speed Walker persona and go for it!  I guess it is a good thing I am able to walk pretty fast.  I think it is due to a lifetime of trying to keep up with everyone.  I’m a shorty in a family of tall people.  Hahaaa  

Anywho….  This past Saturday was the 5K.  It was cold.  I was nervous to say the least.  I was also excited.  Twelve weeks ago who would have ever dreamed that I would be here, ready to participate in a 5K!???!  I had been babying my knee with rest, a brace and ibuprofen for a good week and I was as mentally prepared as possible.  So my friend, P, and I stretch and line up for the start.  Let me say here that we have the absolute BEST running mentor.  Not only has she been there for us since the start, but she came to the race to participate and encourage us!  START!  Off we go.  I started out doing our running intervals when about a 1/3 of the way in my knee buckles and I know I am pretty much done.  It was all I could do not to sit down right there and cry.  WHY!?!?!?  I had worked so hard, put so much of myself into this training only to have a blow out here?!??!!  AAARRRRGGGG!!!  This is where C, my running mentor, really showed herself to be FABULOUS.  She stayed right with me and told me not to give up.  P was concerned and slowed down some but I told her to go on.  She took back off and finished the race, having run her intervals, and I am SO PROUD OF HER!!!  YEAH P!  C and I power walked the remainder of the race.  I FINISHED!  WOO-HOO!  I may have been in agony and limping across the finish line but I finished.  I even did a little sprint there at the end.

What did I learn from this experience?  I’m NUTS!  No, really, I learned a lot about myself.  There were times during the twelve weeks of training that honestly, I wasn’t sure I was going to make it.  When we started I could barely run 30 seconds without wanting a wheel chair and an oxygen mask.  Mix in my bum knee mixed in and a UTI that didn’t do me any favors.  But I STILL did my training.   Somewhere from within I dredged up the intestinal fortitude to press on.  I completed successfully something no one, not my family or friends, thought I would be able to do.  I might not have been the fastest, made the best time or had the most graceful appearance but I did something most of them wouldn’t or couldn’t. 

P and I ran that race with no one there to cheer us on save ourselves and our awesome mentor, C.  That part makes me sad.  However the two most important ones WERE there.  Us.  We committed to train and run this 5K and we did it!

Where do I go from here?  Remember what I said earlier about being nuts?  Somehow I have been convinced by P and myself to continue on.  We have continued our running nights. OK, so thanks to my trick knee I power walk but hey!  We have also committed to running/walking a fun run in December that is approximately 5 miles and possibly a 5K the weekend before that.  I know we can do it!

As far as my weight loss journey?  During all of my ups and downs the past month I really didn’t stay focused.  The good part is that I was able to maintain.  I went back for a weigh in on Monday with the mental commitment to start fresh on the new week and not let the past get me down.  I was down 1 lb for a grand total of 51.  It really got my week started off with a bang. 

The clouds are clearing and I am feeling better about myself than I have in weeks.  Yes, the other stresses are there, looming, but they will not have control.

I am WOMAN!  Hear me ROAR!!!!!!!!!!

Now where did I put my bottle of ibuprofen?????

Isn't it nifty?

Isn’t it nifty?  I’m FINALLY down 50!

And man ‘o man those last 5 or so pounds were killer.  I sometimes thought I would never get to this point.  I’m now half way to my goal.  Let’s all bow our heads in prayer that I will get there!

Speaking of getting there, will I ever get to the point that this running deal gets easier?  I mean, it is supposed to get easier, right?  Tuesday I felt like I was about ready for the undertaker when I finished my scheduled run!  My calves were more than “mooing” they were screaming.  A friend of mine that is a die-hard runner said she hated it at first.  Although when she said it she said HATED, yep, all caps.  Another runner friend said it was all good as long as I kept moving. Moving?!?!!?  Is he kidding me?  Tuesday the only moving I felt like doing was falling to the ground and wallowing in my agony. 

I try to tell myself as long as it doesn’t kill me and all that jazz.  Although at some points during this journey to run a 5K I’ve felt like turning up my toes.  The funny thing is that I can briskly walk that amount fine.  Just call me “Speed Walker”!! You would think that if I can walk it I could run it.  Not so fast!  *Pun intended* Eventually I know I’ll make it and accomplish this goal.  I’ve just got to keep moving forward even if it is baby steps.

This week has been full of challenges in my weight loss journey and life in general but I have managed to plow ahead and not get too far off the path.  That is what really matters isn’t it? Like one of my buddies said, just keep moving.

Speed bumps

Speed bumps are an annoying little fact about most parking lots, shopping centers and life.

When I went in for my weigh in on Friday I was down a total of 48.5! Saturday was our group run and while it really kicked my butt, I felt satisfied that I’m making progress. Later that afternoon the kiddos and I went swimming. Sunday I had my long walk and we road our bikes that afternoon. All in all a fantastic and satisfying weekend! I felt great!

Then came the speed bump called Monday. This is where we all have a collective Monday groan. *groan* I went in for a weigh in and was up a stinking ½ pound! Grrrrr! One of my girls at MRC said that she feels this is my body adjusting to my new exercise regimen, which makes sense since my regimen before the beginning of my 5K training was basically nonexistent. Still, the gain is hard to accept.

The next speed bump arrived shortly after arriving home from my visit to MRC. My mother called and was having a medical emergency regarding her eyes. I quickly went to pick her up and we were off to the hospital in Nashville. After a long, grueling, stressful and nerve wracking afternoon and emergency eye surgery my mother and I arrived back at her house after 7pm. As you can imagine I was worn mentally and physically out. I didn’t make a good food choice. I ate the first thing that came into reach; two left over pieces of pizza from the hasty supper my stepfather picked up to feed my children. The thing about the pizza speed bump is that I didn’t even register the bump.

Tuesday was somewhat back to normal. I made my usual good food choices, checked on my mother (she is doing well, by the way) and ran according to my training schedule after work. No speed bumps. Yeah!

I’ve gained some perspective on that ½ pound and made a decision. I’m doing all the things I need to in order to have a healthy lifestyle. I’m loosing weight and exercising. The little ups and downs, or speed bumps, are part of life. If I’m doing the right things I’ll have the right results, eventually. So I just need to learn to slow down when I come to the speed bump and realize that I can get back up to speed after I get across. I’m also going to stop going for a weigh in on Mondays. After all my activity on the weekends perhaps I also need to use my day of rest (Monday) for a day of rest from the scale.

Until then I’m looking out for those tricky and annoying speed bumps.

Mirror, Mirror

I think it pretty much goes without saying that I have not had a loving relationship with my mirror in years. I avoided looking at it more than absolutely necessary and the full length mirror was strictly off limits. I was also absent as much as possible when it was time to take pictures. I’m sure you can guess why. I was fat. Yes, I said it, fat. There are just no two ways around it. I hated the person that looked out at me from the mirror. That wasn’t really me, was it? I had totally lost the person that I once was. People have lots of reasons why they pack on the pounds. I have my own. Want to hear some of them? A disastrous marriage (I should have listened to my mother!), a stressful job, a bitter divorce and the stress of trying to make ends meet and raising my children all on my own. I know what you are thinking; lots of people have those same issues and don’t turn into Shamu. But those are my reasons, right or wrong.

I’m finding lately that since I’ve lost some weight I have gained a better view of myself, most of the time anyway. I can actually look at myself in the mirror and not be totally repulsed. I’ve even preened for the full length mirror a time or two. But a better self-image is a hard thing to come by sometimes. During my weight loss journey and quest to become fit I have come to appreciate the struggles many people with anorexia have expressed. That distorted view of self, where no matter what you actually look like you still see fat. I know that I’ve done well so far. Shoot, I’m almost down 50 pounds! My clothes are 3-4 sizes smaller than when I started and I get great compliments. But sometimes, when I look in the mirror I still see the old me. You know the one, the fat one.

How do you overcome this problem? I’m not sure but I’m working toward a healthier view. I have to remember I am a work in progress. I’m taking baby steps.

Now if I can just remember all of this when I’m training for my 5K and not get discouraged! I feel like a cow lolloping down the road when we run. I just keep telling myself that it will get easier and I’ll become more graceful in my stride. It is all worth it! I am a work in progress!

Today I go for my weigh in and am hopeful that I’ve made progress this week. There it is again, that word, progress. Before you know it, the mirror and I just might become friends!

This salad bar called life.

Have you ever thought much about a salad bar? You are probably thinking I’m nuts but when practically your every waking moment revolves around food you tend to think about things like that. You see, my life does revolve around food. What choices to make. What foods I can have. What foods I can’t have. When I can eat this or that? It got me thinking. I’ve determined life is like a salad bar.


How?

When you walk up to a salad bar there are all sorts of food choices. Lettuce, tomato, onion, cucumber, pasta salads, croutons, fruits, craisins (a personal favorite!), cheeses, etc. But have you ever really looked at the items? Mixed in with all the wonderful healthy choices, sometimes very subtly, are not so healthy choices and sometimes down right bad choices. You belly up to the salad bar and load down your plate and you really don’t give it much thought, do you? After all, it is a salad bar for Pete’s sake…it is good for you! But you better be careful!

My life is much like the salad bar. I make lots of good choices, especially in my quest to have a healthier lifestyle. I strive to make the best food choices and I’m training for the 5K and exercising. But sometimes I make a bad choice. Sometimes I realize when I’m making the wrong choice, like wolfing down a pop tart or cookie because I’m upset or frustrated. Sometimes I don’t realize what I’m doing. I equate that to the pasta salads. They look good but you better be careful. Then there are the puddings…you know these when you see them. The down right, no two ways about it BAD stuff.

This week has been frustrating for me. Lots of life pressures are weighing down and sometimes I unfortunately let them get the better of me. That is when I need to push away from the table and go get a fresh plate at the salad bar with fresh and new choices.

So today, I’ve bellied back up to the bar with a clean plate, looking over my choices. I’m making a real effort to only pick the good items. Amazing how much better I feel when I eat from the good section of the salad bar!

Tonight is a group run and I’m looking forward to sweating, laughing, running and working off that nasty pudding I got on my first trip to the bar.

On a side note: Kudos to my son. He was chosen for an invitation only steel drum and world music group last night. I am so proud of him!

Shirtless Wonders

There is a man that walks the road between my house and my mother’s house. It never fails, he is always shirtless. It isn’t that he doesn’t HAVE a shirt, it is in his hand. The fact that he is always carrying his shirt and not wearing it drives my kiddos crazy. We call him Shirtless Dude. What is the worst part? Shirtless Dude does not have the body to go shirtless.

Shirtless Dude came to mind this morning while I was on my group run. Today we upped our run amount. I was a little nervous about it because I wasn’t sure how well I would do. Running a minute at a time is harder than you think when you aren’t used to it. My mind cramps at the thought of eventually running 3.1 miles at a time but I am confident I’ll accomplish this goal. The weather was milder than the usual Hell’s Waiting Room hot that is has been for weeks, thankfully, but the humidity was up a bit. P and I did great. *Pats on the back to us!* But we were hot and sweaty afterward.

What about Shirtless Dude!?!??! I can hear you all asking. Hang on, I’m getting there.

After our group run there was a mini seminar with a local podiatrist. While P and I were soaking in the A/C and listing to the good DR, some of the more advanced runners came in from their group run. And there he was…a disciple of Shirtless Dude in all his shirtless, sweaty, hairy glory. Now let me say here that I’m not a prude. And I’m not going to say that I don’t enjoy a nice looking guy and his hairy chest because I do. (What? Too much information?) However, is it too much to ask for guys to keep it covered out in public? Maybe it is me but I felt a bit embarrassed with him parading around without his shirt. Sweaty. Hairy. Sweaty. Did I mention really sweaty? What might have been an attractive guy was lost in being sweaty, stinky and gross. In the words of my kiddos, “put a shirt on it!”

My training schedule for tomorrow is a 45 minute walk or cross train day. I think I’ll get up early before church, strap on my Zune and walk and listen to my tunes. It will be a great time to clear my mind and prepare for the day.

Oh, and I promise to keep my shirt on.

Kickin' butt and takin' names

Kickin’ butt and takin’ names.

That is me today in more ways that one.

Last night we had an open house at my daughter’s school. We went from class to class along with the student’s schedule to meet the teachers and see the new school. My daughter is lucky, super lucky. Her first year of middle school is the first year the school is open. She was also one of the first students in the new elementary school she attended. It isn’t often that you get to enjoy the “new car smell” of a brand spanking new school and twice at that. I think the best part of it is that she appreciates the fact.

I’ve got that “new car smell” about me today, too. Now before you hold your nose and go “eeewwww” let me say this. Today I weighed in. You know I’ve been struggling with a plateau that has been kickin’ my butt and making me stress. This week I have been really strict with my foods and hoping for the best. I was a little nervous about it but to my very happy surprise I lost! Wooo-hooo! I am now down 47.5 pounds. I can see the 50 in the near future. The old me is fading fast in the rearview mirror and I see the new, improved, healthier and much happier me standing up ahead. It is a really good feeling.

I was happily told this morning when I went into work we were closing the office for Friday. Say it with me now, woo-hoo! After my weigh-in I came home, put on my exercise clothes and did my training according to my schedule. Still taking it slowly but slow and steady wins the race. Tomorrow we have a group run. I’m excited about that but I have a feeling it is going to kick my butt since we are increasing the run time.

But for today? I’m feeling good because I’m the one kickin’ butt and takin’ names.

Have a great Friday!

Survival of the flabbiest

Last night was my very first session of the No Boundaries program that I joined to train for a 5K. The fact that I am here this morning means I SURVIVED! *queue the Gloria Gaynor song* Truth be told, I’m a little sore this morning but I feel fantastic. The great thing about this program is that they start you off slow. And by slow I mean turtle’s pace slow. Which is a good thing because let’s face it; the vast majority of us in the group are not in the best of shape. For now that is. We are not in the best shape now. Just check back with us in November when we complete this and run that 5K! Tonight is a cross train or rest day. I think I’ll dig out my Sweating to the Oldies DVD and spend some time with Richard.


Also, a BIG CHEER for my friend P, who is doing this program with me! We are hot chicks now but look out!  By the end of this thing we will be ON FIRE! :)


Yesterday was also our dentist day as I mentioned. I get to have a new crown and my daughter has to have a little work done where the band of her braces loosened one of her sealants. Sheesh…. Why does dentistry work cost so much? When I saw the estimate for the crown I nearly passed out. Oh well, I suppose as long as I don’t have to take my clackers out at night and put them in a glass of water I’m doing OK.

Plateaus, donuts and dentists

I know in my mind that plateaus during a weight loss journey are normal. Notice I said in my mind. In the flesh I struggle. Yesterday I weighed in and gained a 1/2 pound. Yeah, big deal you might say. Except I don’t deal with gains well…at all. You see, I have been hanging on the 45 down mark for a few weeks. I have officially hit a plateau. It. Sucks.



Before I when I hit the wall on anything peanut butter m&ms were my solace, my best friend, my lover, my everything. So I go home after my weigh in distraught over that stinking half pound and what do I see on the dining room table. Thankfully not peanut butter m&ms but chocolate covered donuts left over from the kiddos weekend treat. AAHH! I stopped the dive into chocolate covered oblivion long enough to look at the nutritional info on the box and stopped cold. Can you believe that just ONE chocolate covered delight is 290 calories!?!? Yikes. Step away from the box! I somehow managed to find the courage to grab a peach instead. I counted it as a major achievement.



After a long and stressful afternoon at work I arrived home to cook a delish and nutrish fish supper with mixed greens and tomato. I was patting myself on the back. Big mistake because later that night I crashed and hard. No, I didn’t get a donut but I did sneak in the kitchen after everyone was in bed asleep and wolfed down a cookies and crème pop tart. Picture me with a big sad face.



This morning I had my routine teeth cleaning at the dentist. I love getting my teeth cleaned. When you are done you come out of the office with a squeaky clean, fresh and dazzling new smile. I decided on my way out of the dentist this morning that is how I’m going to look at my misstep last night. Yes, I fell off my diet wagon. However today is a new day. *Picture me in my Scarlett O’Hara stance here.* I am going to shake off the dust of that pop tart and forge ahead.



So onward and upward!



Tonight begins my 5K training and I’m excited.

Hello!

Gosh, now that I've started this blog I don't know where to begin! 
Lots of things going on in my life and I am hopeful this will help me sort it all out and keep everything in the proper perspective.

In February I had a wake up call of sorts. I looked in the mirror on my 41st birthday and didn’t like the person looking back at me. The list of reasons was long. Suffice it to say I knew I had to do something different. The next day I signed up for a weight loss program. It hasn’t been easy but I’m about half way through and down 45 pounds. I know it always sounds a bit corny when you hear statements like these but in all honesty MRC has saved my life. I have rediscovered myself and guess what? I actually like me! Who knew? So look out for lots of ramblings about my weight loss journey.

Now for my big news! Tomorrow begins a new adventure for me. If you can believe it, I certainly can’t, I start my very first 5K training program. WOW! I am excited, scared, positive and nervous. More on that later.



Until next time!
Jacquelyn
First Chair Kazoo