Tis the Season

If it is the most wonderful time of the year why are we not all blissfully happy?

This week a friend mentioned that she felt like she had been on a “sugar high” and was coming down in a certain situation in her life and I immediately related.  How can conflicting emotions that are the exact opposites of one another often go hand in hand?

I’m happy…I’m happy!

 

Really, I am.  I’m basically a happy person.  I love to laugh, have a good time and strive to always find the good in every situation.  I sometimes think that is the only way I survived much of my life up to this point.  If I’d wallowed or dwelled I’d probably have checked out a long time ago.  Life is good, my God is awesome, my children are happy, my family is…OK, let’s not get crazy here. Haha!  I also believe in smiling.  I believe in bringing as much joy as possible with me wherever I go and leaving that much or more behind when I leave.  So all that being said I need to admit a secret about myself here; I also have an ongoing battle with depression.

Those two don’t really mix do they?

For me and many others they do.  They are a marriage, a cocktail, a dynamic duo.  I can on the surface be as happy as a pig in slop but underneath, deep inside be depressed.  I manage them well though.  It is also easier now than before.  I thank a healthier lifestyle change for a big part of that.  Slimming down, running and all the new, fantastic friends that have come along with that, new goals that have been successfully achieved and an overall better sense of self have eased the sting of the big D.  But the holidays with all their wonder also bring stress and anxiety and those as we all know trigger depression. 

I guess the point I’m trying to make in the midst of this rambling is that we all need to pause a moment when we find ourselves caught up in the frenzy of the Season.   Spend some time with a friend over a cup of coffee.  Play a board game with your children one evening instead of going out shopping.  Listen to the words of Away in a Manger and reflect.  Share a smile with a stranger.  You never know who might be fighting their own personal demons under their bright and shiny cloak of cheer.

I want to share with you one of my favorite Christmas songs.  I heard it for the first time last year and was blown away by the words and beauty.  Actually I think this is a great song all through the year.  I hope you enjoy.

Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men. Luke 2:14

Am I thankful?

As I shared in my previous blog post I am letting one special friend be the “star” of my status update on facebook each day and letting them and the FB-universe know why I am thankful for their presence in my life.  After I posted my latest entry I started thinking.  It is easy to be thankful for the good people in our lives.  Am I able to be thankful for someone that has caused tremendous hurt and continues to knowingly do so?

I’m going to preface the following with a statement, as harsh as it is; many of you have heard me utter.  If I never heard his name again, laid eyes on his person or heard his voice again I would not care.  In fact, as I have also said before, I long for the day he is out of my life.  I’m sure you’ve guessed by now I am speaking of my ex-husband and the father of my children.

So after some soul searching I am going to say this and pray that I can truly mean (if not today then one day soon) what I am about to type.  I am thankful for him.

Eh?

Yes, I know, you are thinking that I am drunk, on drugs or off my medication.  But, if I really get down to the nitty-gritty I have to be thankful for him because without him I would not have the two greatest parts of my life.  My life, my love, my reason for everything that I do:  my children.

Now I’m not going to white wash any of this because he is a mean and spiteful person, by choice.  I learned that lesson the hard way and I get to revisit that special little place often.  However I can take it. Anything he wants to dish; I can take and come out better for it because I don’t rise to the bait anymore, much anyway.  He is a self-righteous bully and takes his unhappiness that is his chosen place dwell, out on everyone that happens to get within range. 

Yet…

I am thankful.  I am thankful because I have my children.  They are the brightest spots in my little world.  I never knew it was possible to love someone so much, so deeply, so completely until they arrived.   

I am thankful.  I am thankful for what I have learned about myself. I am able to endure and still come out victorious.

I am thankful.  I am thankful that I will now see any new man in my life with wiser eyes and a heart that listens to more than pretty words.

I am thankful.  I have learned to let him do as he will because I can’t change him. What I must do is conduct myself as I know I should and be the better person.

I am thankful.

OK, so maybe I’m not feeling the thankful part every day and in all of our dealings with one another especially when he hurts my children.  Some days are better than others. I need to remember that in the midst of adversity and the trials of life there are many things (and people) we should remember are lessons in thankfulness.  And maybe if I say it enough I’ll remember it when I want to snatch him bald headed. J

I am thankful.

You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? ... Matthew 5:43-48

THANKFUL THOUGHTS

There is a challenge going round facebook; you list something every day this month for which you are thankful.  I did that last year and upon reflection I find that my list is much the same.  I’m thankful for my children, my little house, a dependable vehicle, plenty to eat and a new found health and vigor.  I decided not to participate in the challenge this year but instead challenged myself to pick one friend at random each day and tell them why I am thankful for them.

The Good, the Bad and the TRUE

It is easy to be a friend during the good times.  Fair weather friends come and go but it is the friend that sticks to you like poop on your shoe during the bad times that is worth more than their weight in gold.  These are the ones that make you smile, laugh, remember your blessings and help you soldier on when you want to call it quits.  When I looked at my list of friends I found that I am more than abundantly blessed with solid gold people. 

This self imposed challenge has been an eye opener for me as well.  When I am waxing poetic about my special friend of the day I pause and reflect.  Would they say the same about me?  Do I strive to be that someone special?  Am I a friend of worth?

I’ve been at this challenge for a few days now and I find that I am thinking about the next day’s status when I crawl into bed at night.  Who will it be?  Once I have made my choice I make sure to also say a prayer for that person as I am wording my blurb in my mind.   I finish my last waking moment with a simple request.  Lord, help me to be a true friend to this person that is so valued by me.

You are SPECIAL!

If you are reading this blog you are special to me.  We share a bond, a connection, a friendship.    May you find yourself blessed beyond measure today.

John 15:12-15 “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.