What do you get when you fall in love?

15 Days, 21 Hours, 12 Minutes….

What I got it return for falling in love with running is a nervous stomach and a little dose of dread as time ticks away closer and closer to THE race, the end goal, THE MIDDLE HALF. 

I posted yesterday about my breathing issue and the fear that it has brought to the surface.  What I did by blogging about it was to bring it to the front where I could deal with it, at least to the best of my mental ability.  I received lots of fantastic encouragement.  I even got some from the most unlikely places yesterday.  My mother, who does not usually support my running habit and who also does not read my blog, dropped me a little tidbit last night saying she knew I was probably getting excited and she knew I would do well, she was PROUD of me.  What?!?  I took that and ran. *pun intended*

I’m still nervous but I feel more confident.  I am confident in the knowledge that I have trained for this to the best of my ability.  I am confident that no matter how long it takes, how slowly I must go, or how many puffs from the inhaler I require I will successfully complete the course.  Several friends have been working toward and hoping for a PR at the Middle Half.  I’m not worried about that because no matter what my time is, it WILL be my PR. OK, OK, so it doesn’t technically count since it is my first, but I’ll take it anyway.



I'm a little teapot! I'm also going to pour out the doubt....



15 Days, 20 Hours, 30 Minutes

Time is getting closer with each passing minute.  I CAN do this and I WILL do it with success. 

 

I AM WOMAN! HEAR ME ROAR!

Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." – Matthew 19:26 NIV

Easy as 1, 2, 3?

The ABCs.

A is for asthma. 

OK, according to my doctor it isn’t really “asthma” but more of an ongoing breathing issue caused by an extreme case of pneumonia.  About 5 years ago I developed pneumonia after a bad case of bronchitis.  I was sick with it for almost the entire winter and ended up missing a month of work.  Yep, if I do something I doggone do it well!  Needless to say my lungs have never been the same.  Many of the things that trigger asthma attacks trigger my asthma-like attacks; case in point, the ever fluctuating weather the past few weeks.  This past week during our long run I had an attack.  Thank goodness I had my inhaler!  By the time I finished the run I was all but doubled over, wheezing like crazy and trying to just stand up long enough to get my inhaler out.  My coach, Charles, was wonderful.  He was so sweet and kind to me. He gave me the space and concern I needed and even came out to my car before I left to make sure I could make it home OK.  Many thanks also to my friend and mentor, Cheryl.  She ran in the last with me and made sure I actually made it.  You can imagine I was almost next to tears, too.  Any time you have a brutal or bad run it is upsetting even when the causes are beyond your control.  Of course this episode has left me shaken.  What if I have another episode during the Middle Half?  I continue to have some sporadic tightness of breath and this leads to struggling runs.  What if I can’t complete the Middle Half?  Lots of self-doubt is swirling.  I try to remind myself that in spite of everything on Saturday I did actually finish my run.  Maybe I’m stronger than I give myself credit for.

B is for birthdays.

After all the mess of Saturday’s long run I came back home to a house full of kids!  My daughter turned 13 on Friday and my nephews were spending the night.  There was also a birthday party planned for later in the morning.  Tired, sore and feeling really down, I girded my loins and sucked it up.  I couldn’t show any weakness until the day was over.  Nothing was going to take any of the joy out of my girl’s special day.  A shower, my rockin’ pink compression socks, a snack and almost a full pot of coffee later I felt as if I could make it.  I am happy to report the day was a huge success!  Fun was had by all and the only downer to the day was when my darling nephews and their mom and dad had to leave.  We don’t get to see one another as often as I would like and I cherish each moment we are together.  Sunday was a total SLUGFEST!  I had to have a day of total rest and I even took another rest day on Monday.  I blamed it on the rainy weather but that was just an excuse.  Even if it hadn’t been raining I probably would have taken another day anyway.  My chest was still tight.

C is for compression socks.

Oh my goodness!  I love my compression socks!  Not only are they a fantastic color but they also make my legs feel great!  For once my calves didn’t cramp and feel like crap after a long run.  I first tested them after my 12 miler the weekend before and fell in love.  I’m still not sure about running in them but for recovery they are the bomb.

D is for….

OK, so maybe this alphabet ticker isn’t exactly going to work here. Ha ha!  We have begun the taper in our training program and frankly I’m not sure how it works but I’m not going to knock it.  Scaling back on the run distances couldn’t have come at a better time for me.  I feel overwhelmed in so many aspects of my life at the moment.  Having a little less to run at night eases my mind a little.  It also eases the stress my body is taking.  Not to sound like a wimp or that I don’t enjoy the ½ program – because you know I do! - I’m ready to run a little less.  I’m ready to run the Middle Half to the best of my ability and scale back on my runs, at least until I sign up for the next ½ training program.  Yes, you read it right! I am seriously considering signing up again to train and run the Country Music ½.  But that is a decision and topic for another day. 

Breathe in….breathe out!

My weight loss journey is still spinning wheels and at this moment in time I can’t give it anymore of myself.  I’m staying on program to the best of my ability but since I am only approximately two weeks away from the Middle Half the stresses of the scale have and are going to take the back burner.  I hope that my body will get back in the groove after my training scales back a bit but if not, I’ll deal with that then. 

Two weeks to get there again in my mind.  Two weeks to convince myself that yes, I can do it!  Two weeks until one way or another I cross that finish line and get my Middle Half medal.  Oh my gosh….TWO WEEKS!

Breaks and Rest Days

Sometimes you get so mired up in what you are working toward that you lose your way.  

TIME TO TAKE A BREAK

You know how hard and long I have been struggling with my weight and trying to meet my goal, a mere twenty pounds away.  You also know how hard and focused I have been on training for my first half marathon.  I have also in the last couple of weeks taken on a major house project, painting and putting down new floors in the kitchen and big bathroom.  Mix all these in with the daily stresses of being a single mom, the start of school, band schedules, overnight field trips, family drama and the uncertainty of my job situation and you have a steaming pot of crazy me.  It took me a while but I finally realized something, Jacquelyn needed a break.

When I realized I needed a break I didn’t take it well.  I had gone to MRC for a weigh in and was met with a 1.5 weight gain and received a chastising criticism by one of the newer girls; one that in her defense doesn’t know my story, my struggle and how much I’ve lost and how long I’ve been on the program.  I didn’t respond well and when I left I was ready to chuck it all.  I even tossed my food sheets on the way out and told myself that I WAS DONE! I suppose I should preface this with the fact that I had been painting and moving my crazy heavy furniture all by my lonesome. I was tired.  Perhaps I was a little more on edge than usual.  However I didn’t appreciate being spoken to like a troublesome child.  I was angry and in tears.  I have been on this program for so dang long and not making any progress.  P said perhaps my body needed a shock of sorts, to get it back to working.  I don’t know but I was done with program.

RUN CHIKIN RUN

Last Saturday after several days of worry over what I was going to do about my program, not really being on it but not really being off it either I decided I wasn’t going back to MRC at least not until after the Middle Half.  It was also the day of a fun 10K, Run Chikin Run.  Boy, it was HOT that day but I had a blast and I must have had some rocket fuel mixed in with my breakfast because I was really hauling and had a fantastic pace and over all run.  Later than afternoon with the help of my fabulous stepfather I laid down new flooring in my kitchen.  I painted until almost midnight getting the kitchen ready for my new fancy-smancy washing machine.  Worn out, that was me.  However I didn’t stress over what I was eating once that day.  I ate what my body needed and made really good choices and drank lots of water. 

Run Chikin Run 10K fun!

Labor Day was a total weather wash, literally! Lots ‘o rain.  I painted my living room and worked around the house and again, didn’t stress over my food choices.  I had three square meals and fruit as a pick-me-up snack.  The week’s weather didn’t really improve until Thursday so you guessed it, P and I had to get our runs in in the rain.  Bleh.  We had a good laugh over it all so it is all good. 

Wet runs aren't my favorite but at least it wasn't 100 degrees!

During the week, one of my favorite MRC girls called to check on me.  She noticed I hadn’t been in and that it wasn’t like me, just checking on you, are you OK kind of call.  I told her what had happened and that I wasn’t really eager to come back.  She asked me if I would come in to talk to her, so we could see what she could do to get me back on track.  She totally believed I could still reach my goal weight and she wasn’t giving up on me.  I agreed but deep inside I was still saying no.

REST DAYS!

Thank the Good Lord for REST DAYS!  After three run days in a row I am worn smack out!  Tomorrow is our long run and I am determined to really, truly REST today.  I also committed to go see my girl at MRC.  We went back into her office, shut the door and had a real Come to Jesus meeting.  I aired all my grievances, struggles, apprehensions, frustrations, etc.  After I laid it all on the line she still said she had absolute faith that I will reach my goal.  She also gave me a new menu, one that incorporates more food, including dairy – yippee! – and are you ready…snacks!  She also said that if this menu didn’t work we would tweak it until something did, make it my own.  Those were words I have been longing to hear.  Not just the “the program works, stick to the program” spiel.  I left feeling good about finally getting rid of my last twenty pounds, like it really is a reachable goal again.  Tomorrow morning I’m starting back on the menu and program whole hog.  Today is my last rest day.

Run, Forrest, Run!

Tomorrow is our long run with my training group.  A gruesome looking eleven miles, oh…my…goodness!  The number causes me to pause but deep down I know I can complete the amount successfully.  Thanks to my rest day today my legs and body will be ready.  I needed my rest days.  My mind as well as my body needs time to rest, refresh and refuel.  I was so mired down in all that I had going on that I lost my way, my focus and my determination.  It is an easy thing to do, too.  More on my plate than I could say grace over, I lost my grip.  I’ve had a week of diet rest and enjoying my day of physical rest so tomorrow I will be fresh and ready.  Ready to tackle all that falls in my path with a strong mind and body.

Keep your fingers, toes and eyes crossed for me!  Eleven miles and new menu all on the same day! Whooo-weeeeee.

Hopefully I’ll be more alert to when I need a rest day from here on out.  Do you need a rest?

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”  Matthew 11:28-30