Ugly Words

This is totally off the usual topics of my blog but it has bothered me all day and I need to vent.

Today my son left for his class trip to Land Between the Lakes.  I have many fond memories of my 6^th grade trip there and my daughter went two years ago and loved it. I am sure he is already having the time of his life!

This morning as I waited with my boy to load up on the tour buses and then wave him off on his first overnight field trip I got a taste of some of the other 6^th graders and their vocabulary.  I’m not naïve and think boys and girls in elementary school don’t cuss and carry on because I know a great many of them do.  It hasn’t been that long ago since I was in school that I don’t remember those that liked to toss out the spicy words to make themselves, at least in their own minds, seem grown up.  However, there are some words that no matter who is using them are offensive.

The “N” word.

I don’t mean “no” either.  Two boys were talking their smack to one another and acting foolish as only boys can and then it flew…the “N” word.  To beat it all, the other boy just laughed and then other spicy words followed. 

Let me just say here that even before that word was considered to be definitely not politically correct it was an ugly word.  It was a word used to hurt, demoralize and defeat people.  I realize that my own children probably let the spicy words fly on occasion but they know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that is definitely one word that will get your behind torn up and grounded until you are 45. 

We are all people of color and together we make up a beautiful rainbow of shades that blend together.  White, Black, Yellow, Green, I don’t care what color you are but I for sure don’t like derogatory references to that color.

I love dcTalk and my favorite song by them is Colored People. I’m including the video here for you.

When will be as a people start looking beyond the superficial layer and deeper to what makes us who we are?  Obviously not any time soon when our children are still using ugly words like the “N” word and laughing. 

Sorry for the rambling.

Peace!

Frustrated!

Today I am on Day 3 of this revamped eating plan; same foods and amount just broken up over 6 small meals.  All I can say at this point in the game is that I am still hungry and borderline ill.  Not ill as in sick, yet, but ill as is cranky.  Something is going to have to give!

Tomorrow I go for my weigh in and the MRC girls and I are going to have to meet somewhere in the middle, come to some sort of agreement.  I can’t continue on in this manner.  When you are exercising and burning as many calories as I do in a week you have to fuel your body.  My body doesn’t feel fueled.

Several of my running friends are upset that I am attempting to diet while running as hard and much as I do.  In a way I agree with them.  It is extremely difficult to do both!  Remember I started this weight loss journey long before I became a running nut.  I’ve lost almost 75 pounds and only have approximately 15-20 left to go in order to meet my goal.  Will I ever be able to get there? *sigh*

Tuesday, while on our nightly run I discussed some of this with P and told her I was really at an impasse, so to speak.  I’m at a good weight, I guess, but not where I want to be, you know, my GOAL.  Do I stop here or press on?  I’m extremely discouraged and the past few days have been especially hard.  So hard that I feel close to tears at times because I am hungry.  I am also one that self medicates with food so I have to be extremely cautious.

I had one friend suggest I not “diet” per say but cut out all the sugar, white flour and processed food.  Heck, I’m already doing that!  I don’t eat anything that isn’t raw or cooked from raw ingredients.  It is also rare I actually go out to eat and when I do I usually get a salad because it is safe.  I don’t know what more I can cut out of my diet.  The only prepackaged products I consume are the few nutritional supplements I eat/slurp down during my runs.

HELP!

I am spinning my wheels.  Seeing my weight loss journey to the end is extremely important but so is my ½ marathon training. 

Any advice or tips are welcome!

Chopin, Diets and Asphalt

I come from musical stock so instruments and music in general have always come fairly easily to me.  I was once very gifted on the flute and even though piano was not my strongest subject would play church hymns for hours on end for my much beloved Papaw.  I was however a terrible piano student.  My piano teacher, God love her and may she rest in peace, more than likely cringed when she saw me coming up the path every Tuesday afternoon.  As much as I love and adore classical music, playing it was and is another matter all together.  This may be because the majority of my play time has always been spent with the Cumberland Presbyterian and Methodist hymnals.  

Playing the piano for my Papaw.  This piano now sits proudly in my living room.

I remember one time Mrs. B was determined for me to master a piece by Chopin, Fantaisie Impromptu.  I can’t remember exactly why she thought I was capable of such a lofty piece but in her delirium she handed the sheet music over and said this was what she wanted me to play at our next recital.  I’m sure the look of horror that crossed my face was epic. After more than a month of practice, tears, murmured curses and frustration, Mrs. B finally realized Chopin and I were not destined to be friends.  She declared I needed to go back to something “easy” like Mozart or Beethoven.  I’m sure if Mozart or Beethoven heard their names linked to the word “easy” they would have rolled over in their graves.  By the way, I did perform selections by Mozart and Beethoven at recital that year.

I never did or have mastered Fantaisie Impromptu although now I can truly appreciate how intricate and lovely a piece it truly is.  At age 11 it was one of the last things on my list to appreciate.  Give me a good old rousing Bringing in the Sheaves any day!

Now that I am grown up I adore listening to Chopin.  His work is so delicate and complicated all at the same time.  Airy, intricate, powerful, etc… so many adjectives and yet none truly capture the essence of his work, at least for me.  Often I find that Chopin is almost the soundtrack to my life, I listen to his works so often.  However I surprised myself yesterday when I decided to use him as my running soundtrack.

Impromptu mp3

Last week was a rough run week for me.  I struggled to get it done on all three of my run days.  The heat, fatigue and desire were all bitter adversaries.  Then along came Saturday and our long run of 9 miles.  YIKES!  It was a struggle but I did it.  It was also that run (and you runners will know exactly what I’m talking about) that could have easily been my last.  The one that is so hard, so frustrating that you think to yourself, I’m SO over this mess!  If I never run again, so what!?!?  I kept trudging along and got over the hump.  I was mentally and physically exhausted.

After a day of rest I was ready to tackle the next week’s running schedule to prepare for the overwhelming 10 miles coming up this Saturday.  The day didn’t exactly start off bright and shiny when I realized that my second mp3 player since I started this half training has more than likely bought the farm.  I don’t know how or why I’m so hard on them but there it is.  Luckily amazon has this cloud player app that allows me to listen to music I have previously downloaded via my phone.  I’m sure you have guessed one of the downloads, The 99 Most Essential Chopin Masterpieces.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B002XNI37E/ref=docs-os-doi_0

The 99 Most Essential Chopin Masterpieces is currently only $2.99 at amazon! 

Imagine my surprise at how well the change in music fueled my physical and mental run.  Instead of the usual mind numbing, thought blocking music that I often choose to shut everything out, the morning’s run was accompanied by a gentle yet invigorating soundtrack that left my mind free to think, resolve and plan.  Not a typical playlist for sure but one I think I’ll use again, especially on my early morning runs.

While I was running the Greenway Monday morning I thought about Mrs. B and my infamous attempt at Fantaisie Impromptu.  She might think her torture with me and my feeble attempts at Chopin were not in vain after all if she knew that over 30 years later a love for his music had flourished.

My diet has also been a struggle lately.  After a powwow with one of my MRC girls we have pulled out a different piece of music.  Today I have started a different approach to my diet by using the six small meals a day menu.  Basically it is the same food just eaten at different times.  I am hopeful this will get me back on track since I have been hugging and kissing these 1.5 pounds back and forth for the last month or so.  I need to get over this plateau and shed these last 15 or so pounds! 

The next few days will be the test.  A new approach and ever hopeful!  Just like Mrs. B was ever hopeful that one day I would learn to love Chopin.  She was right too, so I’m faithful the diet and training will not get the better of me.

Wondering on Wednesday

A few weeks ago I mentioned I might be ready to stick my toe back in the dating pool.  I was tossing the idea around, not really sure if that is what I wanted. Saying it out loud to see what it sounded like.  My life is very full at the moment.  I am committed to my half marathon training to the exclusion of almost everything else.  What I mean is that my training schedule and the preparation that goes into it trumps almost everything.  Of course my children and their needs come first but anyone that truly knows me will tell you, this is important to me and I am serious.  I am dedicated, committed; insane about this training and completing the Middle Half…guns a blazing!

But I don’t have to tell any of you this because you know me.  You read my blog and we are possibly personal friends outside the blogsphere. You are paying attention to the things that are important to me.  You value me in some way.

Imagine my feelings when I get a facebook email this week by a person that I have known a long time, asking me out for a “date/eat/movie” on Friday night if I wasn’t busy.  My first reaction wasn’t a good one because I immediately felt that I am obviously not valued or important enough for a phone call.  I have a landline and a cell so it isn’t like I am unreachable.  Then I let my drawers get in a twist at the Friday night part.  I haven’t made it a secret that I do not go out at night, especially before my run days, and on Saturday mornings I am up before Mr. Rooster meeting my run group for our long runs.  I was as polite with my response as I could be and said that until my training and race were over I didn’t go out at night. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings because we are friends and that isn’t my way.  Then later in the evening I noticed he posted a pitiful me status that I am pretty sure was directed at me.  I may be in the wrong here, but I refuse to feel bad about saying no.

This brings up another problem.  The past three times I have been asked out on a date has been via facebook email.  COME ON!  Guys, we are all in our 40s here and if you aren’t man enough to call me on the phone then you aren’t man enough for me to go on a date with.  Period.  I am worth more than that.  Perhaps this all means I am really not ready to wade back into the murky dating waters?  I would like to think it is just because the right one hasn’t come along yet. Or perhaps the right one hasn’t run along yet. Ha-ha!

So since I’m not going out on Friday night, I will eat something clean and healthy to fuel my body and hit the hay early because on Saturday my run group is scheduled for 9 miles!  I’m a bit nervous about it much like I was about the 8 miles simply because I have never done that much before.  I know I can do it though.  I’ll have my support group with me, my running buddies, great coaches and mentors.   

A running buddy pointed out this week that we are just two months away from the Middle Half.  *nervous excitement* Sometimes it seems so far away but in reality it will be here before we know it.  All of the people in my training group have really been giving it their all, especially on our Saturday group runs.  I have never seen such a collection of dedicated people.  We struggle sometimes but we are there to help each other along with encouraging words or to run along side.  I have made some awesome new friends.  I am blessed.

A few of my wonderful 1/2 marathon running buddies.

This Saturday, while I am out there wondering how in the world I’ll ever finish those 9 miles upright I’m going to remind myself of some of my earlier words.  I am doing it and I will successfully complete it because I VALUE myself. 

Back to school

It is that time again in Tennessee!  The time of year when you hear adult glee and youthful misery, that’s right, friends, back to school time.  I’m one of the lucky ones.  My children enjoy school so it isn’t a knock-down-drag-out fight to get them up and ready.  Whew!  Actually, it is me that has had the problem and I’ve had to go back to school.

Last week I successfully completed my longest run to date, eight miles.  In all honesty that morning when I was on my way to meet my run group I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to get it done.  I had never run that far at one time before and I was more than a little nervous and intimidated by the number.  Coach greeted me upon my arrival and asked me if I was ready.  Well, as ready as I’ll ever be. He told me not to worry, I had this.  I said a silent prayer to myself that he was right, that I had this.  Sure didn’t feel like I had this.  C, P and a few of my running buddies arrived and also expressed their apprehension.  Oh boy, this is going to be fun. 

Off we went and you know what?  Those 8 miles were hard but manageable!  I was really happy with myself.   We runners are a pretty close bunch and we praise, build up and encourage each other so you know we were all happy and patting one another on the back at the end.  Too bad no one was whispering in my ear what I was going to “enjoy” a few days later.

Oh!

Saturday afternoon after my run I felt great!  A little tired and sore here and there but great.  Sunday I felt great and enjoyed a rest day with my children.  Then along came Monday or as I sometimes call it, MOANDAY.  Did I ever MOAN!  I got up and went running that morning at half past crazy dark thirty as usual.  I was a little stiff but nothing I couldn’t handle.  Then the day went on.  I was in absolute agony.  I hurt from my hip down to my toes, especially on my right side.  I was almost in tears by the end of the day and it was all I could do to walk into the drugstore to get something that might give me some relief.  I felt 100 years old.  A long soak in an Epsom salt bath and some Tylenol later I felt like I could at least walk but barely.  I was terribly upset!  Had I injured myself?  I can’t be injured!  Am I going to feel like this until October?  I can’t feel like this until October!  Waaaaaa!  I was next to tears as I hobbled (literally) to bed that night at 7:58pm. 

BFFs

I was still hurting although not as much Tuesday morning so I decided to pass on my early morning run.  Maybe I needed an extra rest day?  During the day P and I decided since the weather had finally cooled a little we would meet to run after work.  Part of me really wanted to say no and rest but you know me, I’m nothing if not committed and I thought I would give it a try, take it slow and walk it if I needed to.  That afternoon when P and I got together guess what she had to say?  She also had been in agony Monday, suffering from exactly the same aliments.  After talking to other runner friends and research (this is the back to school part!) we discovered we had met up close and personal, DOMS, delayed onset muscle soreness.  Let me tell you something, DOMS is a beast!  Thankfully it is normal and we survived it.  Well, I survived it thanks so a few new BFFs.

Marty Moose says no runner should be without these!

I am happy that I didn’t give up after DOMS slapped me around Monday.  I know what to expect and look for the next time I go way beyond my normal threshold.  Thankfully, that will not be this weekend.  Our training schedule is taking a step back so we have 7 miles for our long run Saturday.  Can you believe I’m excited about doing 7 miles?  I have really gone and lost my mind.  A little knowledge, a few new BFFs and courage will see me through the rest of this training program and onward.  I’m ready to make a move or possibly move like Jagger.

Change of Life

Usually when you hear the words “change of life” you think about that time in a woman’s life when she moves past the childbearing years.  For some ladies it is a banner day, for others a sad time.  I want to talk about a happy change of life, the day my life changed.

August 2010

A year ago I signed up for a running program on a whim.  I was on my weight loss journey and P and I began to toss around the notion we might sign up for the No Boundaries program with Fleet Feet to train and complete a 5K.  It was only 12 weeks to give up, only 3.1 miles total and only this one time, or so I promised myself.  I could do it!  Then the whim became reality and I wondered what in the H-E-double hockey sticks had I gotten myself into.  It was HORRIBLE!  August in Tennessee is not the best time to begin any type of physical activity when you have been a black belt couch potato for 20 years.  Thank heavens the NoBo’s program is designed for beginners.  It takes you from no physical activity to successfully completing a 5K without injury.  I could wax poetic about my love of this program for hours on end but I will not bore you with all that here.  Suffice it to say NoBo’s is the absolute BEST at what they do. 

The program went on and I had no intentions to do anything further after completion of the race in October.  You can ask P, my mentor or my coach and they’ll tell you the same, nope, not doing it.  I’m going to be One and Done!  Remember I was quite a bit heavier then, had some knee issues, no real family support and really just didn’t enjoy it.  But I hung in there.  Now that I look back I am so happy that I did!



Our first 5K - October 2010

One and Done!

After completing my first 5K in October 2010 I still insisted I was done.  Stick a fork in me!  Yet I continued to train with P.  I’ll pause here and give her tons of credit.  She fell in love with running long before I did and kept after me to meet and run.  We stuck it out over the holidays, cold, ice and snow and went on to compete in a few 5Ks and fun runs.  Then February 2011 rolled around and somehow in a moment of feeble mindedness I agreed to sign up for the 10K training program.  What the heck?!?!?  The 10K program was also spearheaded by the same group and coach.  It was a lot more difficult for various reasons but we hung in there.  Gradually, I began to notice something about myself.  Whenever I wasn’t able to run or on my rest days I began to miss running. What?!  Miss running?  You have got to be kidding me.  I began to actually find enjoyment in pounding the pavement, sweating my guts out and fellowshipping with my fellow crazies….erm, I mean fellow runners.   I had made lots of great new friends but I had also finally made friends with myself.  It was really during the 10K program that I began to like me, the person I was – the runner girl that was hanging in there and getting it done. 

13.1 miles to Crazy Town

As the 10K program began to wind down there was a lot of talk about the next step.  What did we want to do?  Did we even have the desire to go further?  If we did, did we want to train on our own or sign up for the Half Program?  It was also the beginning of the long hot Tennessee summer…bleh!  P and I continued to train on our own after we finished up with the 10K program.  We never slacked off and let’s face it, it would have been easy.  Then we made the decision to jump in feet first with the half training program and we’ve never looked back.  I am totally in love with this program.  I enjoy it, the coaches, the change up in venue and the fellow runners. It was also around this time I finally admitted something crucial to myself.  I love running.  It is hard, don’t get me wrong!  Last Saturday was brutal in every sense of the word.  Hot, muggy and the long distance was a test of endurance.  I did it though and afterward felt a huge feeling of accomplishment. 

Last Saturday night we also competed in another 5K.  Crazy to have a long run and then a 5K at night, I know, but sometimes that is how it works out.  Thank goodness for an easy restful afternoon!  The race that night was so much fun.  Yes, it was still blazing and humid but it was fun to meet up with friends and just have a good time.  Who would have ever dreamed that I would be doing something so “crazy” a year ago and consider it “fun”?  Not me, that is for sure.

As I look back on the past year I realized it was in August 2010 I had a change of life.  Oh, I would have still continued on my weight loss journey but I wouldn’t have been as physically and mentally healthy as I am now.  Running has opened up so many doors for me.  I have made friends, enjoyed my life and most importantly I’ve made friends with myself.  That is an awesome accomplishment!  I also realize something else as well.   It is a vain thing but hey, I’m still going to say it. P and I are smokin’ hot! 

Latest 5K - July 2011 -- SMOKIN'!

A change in life doesn’t have to be scary or hard.  It is a learning experience and can sometimes be the silver lining you have been searching for all along.  I know it has been mine.  I look forward with anticipation completing my first, and not my last, half marathon in October 2011.  Wonder what changes I’ll experience next?